Half a Shirt for Twice as Much

An avant-garde top they call it. I call it Being Chilly. It's $395.

This is really the back, I swear.

Jellies by Marc Jacobs

Oh wait! No I mean... Rubber round toe ballet flat with cut-out detail at toe and three small holes in vamp for ventilation. Rubber sole/upper. Available in Yellow. Made in Italy. MADE IN ITALY!!!!!! Jellies made in Italy. They come in other colors too, like aqua and smoke. No lie. I'm also not lying when I tell you these are on Sale down to $95 from $155.

Yikes...Frankenstien shoes

These little gems are from designer Stella McCartney. I usually hate her stuff and this is no exception. Why take a pair of perfectly good shoes and add this goofy pink ankle strap to it. It looks like those sand filled weights you might use to get an added burn in areobics class. Not that I ever did that but I have saw other people doing it. Still, my vote is: Yuck! All this for $875.00.

Mother of the Bride

It just goes to show you that you can spend alot of money on designer clothes, and still look like my Mother. Or Liz Taylor during the fat turban wearing days. It is described as: Black with silvertone beaded detail. Ballerina neckline. Cape sleeves. Cascade ruffles. Pure silk chiffon. Made in the USA. Yes it's CAPE sleeves. Awesome. Plus its made in the US of A. Only $2790.00.

Ode to the Long Sweater

It has been amazingly hard to find expensive ugly clothes to rip on these last few weeks. My usual standby of looking though the cocktail dresses has turned up some super cute and mostly so-so garments. Ah but then I came upon this and my heart rejoiced! Philip Lim created this gray with green trim sweater. Deep V neckline. Puffed three-quarter sleeves. Patch pockets. Tonal belt at natural waist. Banded hem. Extra fine merino wool. Only $550. Get two.

Postman's Bag or Burlap Sack?

The full description speaks for itself: Martin Grant Powder Dress (that's the dress name) $1,550.00 Sleeveless cotton blend dress with pleated front and rear and bubble hem. Square lambskin collar with oversize button close. 37" length. Available in Nude. Made in France. 82% cotton, 18% silk. 100% lambskin collar. Dry clean. The French should be ashamed.

Bring In the Clowns

This looks bad on the model. How will I have confidence wearing it to the office? And I will scare people too - all those folks with the clown phobias will avoid me. This Ellen Tracy Tie Front Satin Blouse is silk and $298 so you can look chubby. Nice spare tire.

Reptile Print Floods...Oh I Mean Capris!

My GF alerted me to these and I am so grateful. There is something very disturbing about these, is it the front or the back? If it weren't for the perspective of the shoes I would be lost. Roberto Cavalli designed these and he wants $795 for these cotton/spandex atrocities. I hope I see these on Paris Hilton.

Tri-Color Metallic Grandma Shoes

Darlings! I just can't decide which Rolex to wear today...the gold one or the silver and gold one? And then which shoes? My God what will Muffy and Brad at the Country Club think? I know! I'll buy these $425 sandals and I'll have all the metallic choices in the world. Bronze? Check. Silver? Check. Gold? Check. Old Lady feet? Check.

Sloppy Wrinkled & Expensive

I can look like I slept in my clothes for WAY less money than $1690, I mean puh-lease. This is a Nina Ricci shirtdress made of silk organza. Yes its just about see through and yes that skirt not only looks like an apron, it has an elastic waist. Ew.

Pretty Hair

Its nice to get your hair out of your eyes - especially at the office. So its refreshing to see something huge and shiny made of leather to do the job. This thing has panache! Not only that, its $78.

Let's Go Sweater Shopping!

I had no idea that looking through the Sweater pages would be such a goldmine of material. These two sweaters are simply an example of when designers take an idea and kill it. I don't want to look that boxy - thanks. These are both about $200 each and made of a silk knit so they ain't that warm either.

I Found My Mom's Housedress

This "shift" dress has crossed a line somewhere into the dread housedress territory. I want to blame it on the pockets in the front - they are horrible and ill-placed. The color is very K-Mart circa 1978. Bleh. And its $288. Buy this at your own risk.

Orange Mu-Mu

Michael Kors made this - and its a shame considering how ugly it is. I watch Project Runway religiously. He should be "out". This dress is silk chiffon "kimono" style and costs $2995. Is it just me or is this something that Mrs. Brady would wear?

What blows my mind here is the exposed back zipper. Wow that is unsightly. Especially the way it stretches the sweater fabric in such an obvious way. Yuck. And I think the whole horizontal stripes thing is ugly. But maybe you have a $248 gift card and would love to pick this up.

Tablecloth for a Shirt

Who is going to look good in this perfectly square shirt, with its horizontal plaid and crazy ruching at the neck? Maybe it would look better on a real live person instead of the cone head mannequin. It's a holiday steal at $159.

More "Resort" Wear

Aren't these busy pants? What color shirt would you wear with these? Is that an elatic waist? Yikes. But still not too bad considering they are only $59.

Shame On Vera Wang

This is just ugly. And expensive. I just don't get it. I've see so much of her design that I love, her gowns, the wedding dresses! It seemed she could do no wrong. But this, it confuses me. Why the dull colors? This came from the Resort Preview, but why would you wear this shapeless sack to a resort? The ruching is not working. Maybe on a woman who was a larger size it might look better, but I can't get over it. Did I mention it's expensive? It's 100% silk dress that will set you back $1395.

Which Looks Worse?

Lord help me! I found these on a popular city-folk young person shopping site. Do the kids actually wear this stuff? I love the way they have the model wearing my grandma's pumps from 1987, what is that?!? Anyway, I just could not decide which color I hated more, pink or black. These are called "Sparkle & Fade Marled Tights" and they are on sale for $9.99. Yea they are supposed to be sparkly.

Paisely Pants Are Alarming

At first I thought maybe I had found another pair of metallic pants, but alas, its only a pair of Paisley Print on a dark gray 5 pocket jean. These really looked strange on my monitor, I wonder how they look in person. Can they look as alarming? These Jones Signature pants are $59.25 (maybe on clearance?) and the website recomends you wear them with a Jones Signature Classic blouse. Great Idea! How about this one? Its $66.75.