Ode to the Long Sweater

It has been amazingly hard to find expensive ugly clothes to rip on these last few weeks. My usual standby of looking though the cocktail dresses has turned up some super cute and mostly so-so garments. Ah but then I came upon this and my heart rejoiced! Philip Lim created this gray with green trim sweater. Deep V neckline. Puffed three-quarter sleeves. Patch pockets. Tonal belt at natural waist. Banded hem. Extra fine merino wool. Only $550. Get two.

Dolman Sleeves - the AGONY

Oh. My. God. Its a dolman sleeve. Look, that's super retro and all but, and I say this from personal experience, the dolman sleeve never looks that good after you've been wearing it in real life. It just makes you look like a box with wrinkled and dangly arm flab. But isn't this a pretty color? The cost is only $350 for this Elizabeth and James Blouson Silk Dress with a keyhole back.

Too Much of Everything

This is too short, too boxey, too colorful, too cheap looking and too much money at $449.00. Happy Easter!

Groovy Zebra - Big Sleeves

Whenever I see these big sleeves I worry that they might catch on fire. its irrational, I realize this. No one is going to make a grilled cheese sandwich while wearing this dress. But I think of it just the same. Its a cheap one today, $270 for this silk dress.

Bring In the Clowns

This looks bad on the model. How will I have confidence wearing it to the office? And I will scare people too - all those folks with the clown phobias will avoid me. This Ellen Tracy Tie Front Satin Blouse is silk and $298 so you can look chubby. Nice spare tire.

Urban Adult Waif

The model here looks so forlorn. Of course she does! She is only wearing a wrinkled shirt and horrible boots. Why does she have tan boots on with a grey dress? Why is she trying to look like an unhappy 11 year old? This dress was from my favorite Urban website costing you $48. Even tho its a bargain, is it right?

Wear Your Robe to Work with Pants

Back when I had a regular 9-5 type job, there were lots of times that I laughingly considered how nice it might be to just roll out of bed, throw on slippers and go to work. But I never ACTUALLY did that. Look how fashionable I would have been had I been so bold! Ahead of my time, that's what my co-workers might have said. Or I would have been called my into my bosses office and sent home to change into something more appropriate. But for $990.00 this silk satin kimono is just the thing that would make my boss scratch his/her head and wonder if it really is a dress code violation. Oh and the Camisole is $145 - who spends that kind of money on a cami?

Oh But These Are BUBBLE Shorts

I've never paid more than $50 for a pair of shorts. I think they would have to be made of some kind of miracle fabric that made my legs and but look AMAZING instead of like a Gym Teacher. Anyway these are Bubble shorts, and I think based on the picture they have elastic around the bottom hem to create a fullness at the top of your thigh. Why is this a good idea? The tops of my thighs don't need fullness, trust me. But these shorts seriously cost $410 for a blue elastic waist on shorts made of 98% cotton, 2% spandex. The shirt sucks too, this is described as a Striped Batwing Top with a camisole underlay, all made of 88% viscose, 8% cupro, and 4% polyester. Price tag for the shirt? $660.

Mutton Sleeves - Get With It!

I had no idea there was such a thing as "mutton sleeves" until I saw this $998 dress description. Let me also add that this thing is wool, dry clean only and kind of comes across as Charlie Brown's shirt, with its zip zag patterns. Wow is all that comes to mind.