Fashion Makes Me Laugh!

Something shapeless for Fall

2010-07-09T09:58:00.000-05:00

This comes from a website where they have only small photos to copy, everything else is in Flash...whatever. So if you squint at this lovely giant thing, you will be trasported back to the 90's int he most horribly oversized way. Oh wait its a jumpsuit, but the low hanging crotch is not explained. The description is as follows: A signature Roberto Cavalli animal print complements this jumpsuit's wild and untamed silhouette. $2835.00

Break Time!

2009-04-16T12:58:00.003-05:00

Hey there loyal followers! For those who don't already know, I shoot weddings during the season and the season has already started for me. So I'm going to be busy this summer and I won't have alot of time to update this blog. Plus my parents are moving at the end of the summer and I need to start dealing with the strange details of their lives. So I'm taking a break, it will probably last until late September. Sorry and I hope to see you then. Drop me a line to find out how I am doing at lakrause@wowway.com.

LORD I hope I see some dresses like these...

Half a Shirt for Twice as Much

2009-03-19T14:38:00.004-05:00

An avant-garde top they call it. I call it Being Chilly. It's $395.

This is really the back, I swear.

My EYES!!!! They're melting....

2009-03-19T14:32:00.003-05:00

WOW. Holy cow! I mean, really?? I just...well...what kind of shirt would someone wear these leggings with? I am so confused. Here is the description: Pencey Pieced Leggings. Pencey knows we like a little fun detail on our leggings. Mesh leggings with jersey banding at waist and asymmetrical jersey and lace insets at legs. Stirrup (!) at bottom hem. Sheer at mesh and lace. $131.00.

Technically Not Fashion...but still

2009-03-17T12:50:00.003-05:00

Its a Bedazzeled radio for God's sake!! No I'm serious here, I really found this on a department store website. Called the Sonoro Elements Stardust Radio (Google it) it's made with CRYSTALLIZED - Swarovski Elements. Whatever that means. It's also $2,500.00. Yes it is.

Tie-Dye Your Formal Dress

2009-03-15T12:05:00.002-05:00

Hey so should I go to a formal occation wearing a dress that looks like I dyed it in my bathtub? Also this dress looks crappy on this lovely size 2 model, she kinda looks tubby if you ask me. $546.00.

I'm Speechless!

2009-03-12T11:58:00.002-05:00

Yves Saint Laurent Strapless Jersey Knit Jumpsuit - Sleek one-piece with draped pants in a soft silk jersey knit. $990.00.

Shoes Are Expensive

2009-03-10T14:09:00.005-05:00

Some websites only show the shoe by itself sans foot. That leaves us to imagine our club foot inside such a delicate sandal as this. Lovely isn't it? I'll be you could get a sundress in that pretty blue color and make all of it just POP. Fab! Save your money cause these shoes, made by Pierre Hardy and amusingly called "Scuba Sandal", (Huh??) is a pricely $770. Oh and it's made of Neoprene and nappa leather. So don't worry, it breathes.

A Lot of Look Here

2009-03-03T11:49:00.005-06:00

Oh Wow...those pants are something else right? Ric-rak in all its glory - my god who would look good in these? This is a actually a jumpsuit. Yes that's right, its a JUMPSUIT. Its made of silk and costs $2545.00.

Meh

2009-02-24T15:21:00.004-06:00

Ruffles are in they tell me. And what about this tight dress. It makes me nervous to eat or sit or just breathe in it. The color is correctly called Orchid and it would be perfect for the Easter Egg hunt at the White House. Ooh but don't bend down because this thing will wrinckle like MAD. Its called a Gladiator Dress. Made of silk/spandex stretch charmeuse and its designed by Marc Bower. $550.

My Dream Date

2009-02-19T13:31:00.004-06:00

After I wrote this post I saw on one of the gossip sites that my man Mickey was wearing this very jacket! Awesome on him but he's a trainwreck...in a good kind of way of course.
OMG this is awesome! Imagine prom...your wedding....whatever...with your man showing up in this jacket. It is a Floral Ombre Tuxedo Jacket by Dolche & Gabbana. Amzingly it is Hand-painted and has an o-so popular shawl collar with the super stylish one-button front. Uh-huh. Interestingly enough, this whole outfit is Dolche & Gabbana and is for sale. jacket is $4995.00, the shirt is $840.00, the bow-tie is $185.00, and the pants are $925.00 for a grand total of $6945.00 to kind of look like a dork.

Foot Torture

2009-02-03T15:32:00.003-06:00

Woe to the feet that are put into these boots...Huarache Boot, Silvertone hardware. Back zip. Allover strap detail. Open toe. 4" covered heel. Made in Italy. $1690.00!

Summery Isn't it?

2009-01-20T11:59:00.003-06:00

I am soooooo sick of winter. Would it be great to go someplace where you could wear this sweet little romper...or jumpsuit ....or whatever it is. I mean, listen my big boobs will not look good in this thing. Oh wait, the model's are super little, and she looks like my 90 year old grandma. Well what can you do? This is a silk jumpsuit with bow detail and cutout at bust. 1" banding and ruching at empire waist and smocked elastic banding at back. Gathered elastic banding at bottom hem. Strapless. Semi-sheer. $437.00.

Come On!

2009-01-13T15:56:00.004-06:00

For Pete's Sake let's stop this now. I'm this close to organizing a letter writing campaign to try to get Stella McCartney to let her models eat at least once every other day. Once she does this, she will realize that the rest of the world...and when I say "rest of the world" I mean all of us who aren't starving to near death, we cannot possibly wear her clothes. The rest of the world has something that we like to call "curves" and honestly, we like them just fine. But perhaps you are naturally thin and want to buy this Shantung top for $1295.00 and then sell your stove to buy these twill "skinny" jeans (hahahaha) for $295.

Its Not Just For Shower Curtains Anymore

2009-01-13T15:51:00.004-06:00

Oh that Roberto Cavalli...he cracks me up. To think that he might suggest you wear these two pieces together is funny. Aren't we always being told that things can be too "matchy-match?" Oh but not here, no sir. Please buy both the top for $885.00 and then the jeans for $985.00. No one will snicker behind your back, I promise.

Is this a Dress?

2009-01-06T16:35:00.002-06:00

Um NO. But it is by Stella McCartney and she charges $3945.00 for the Ribbon-Embroidered Dress...buy two and make one dress out of them.

Bejeweled Cashmere Dress

2008-12-18T14:24:00.005-06:00

I didn't make this up - that was the name of the dress on the website. Hilarious. And yeah those are real stones on the neckline. The back of the dress has that same pattern to it. Isn't that going to accentuate my saddlebags in a really bogus way? Is it just me? But it is a sweater so it might keep you warm. $525

My Dress Won First Prize at the State Fair

2008-12-18T14:19:00.003-06:00

Is it just me or is that thing on her shoulder - which they sweetly call a brooch detail - does it look like a blue ribbon? Also a strange detail is that this silk charmeuse dress has side pockets. As if that fabric could justify putting something in those pockets. Pluh-lease!! Good luck with that. $495.00

Resort Wear - at the beach

2008-12-11T16:41:00.003-06:00

Wear a vest at the beach. Actually it's by Red Carter and considered a Tuxedo Print Halter Swimsuit. Yay! $340

Something for Dad - Slippers

2008-12-05T20:59:00.003-06:00

Holiday shopping is so hard sometimes, especially for the older men in our lives. Whoever they may be, I'm not here to judge. Everyone needs slippers. These are clearly high quality, I mean the velvet will totally stand up to Illinois winters. And the detailing! The description says its HANDMADE in England. All I can say is WOW. $440.

Jellies by Marc Jacobs

2008-12-05T20:54:00.004-06:00

Oh wait! No I mean... Rubber round toe ballet flat with cut-out detail at toe and three small holes in vamp for ventilation. Rubber sole/upper. Available in Yellow. Made in Italy. MADE IN ITALY!!!!!! Jellies made in Italy. They come in other colors too, like aqua and smoke. No lie. I'm also not lying when I tell you these are on Sale down to $95 from $155.

A Stocking Stuffer

2008-12-03T22:17:00.003-06:00

Lovely isn't it? Yeah its cashmere and all, but honestly! It must be the bad economy that makes this price so high. Pay $995 for your choice of colors.

Moon Boots

2008-12-01T23:39:00.006-06:00

These are those UGGs shoes that all the kids are wearing. I don't like them, but I'm not their demographic. And even though its too easy to make fun of what young kids are wearing, I can't deal with these. Don't they look like the shoes your mother would make you when your Halloween costume was a robot or Astronaut? She grabbed a pair of slippers or old boots and spray paint them silver. These are made by UGG for and they sell for $150. My GF and I discussed these and she reminded me that the boots were called Moon Boots, you got them at Kmart. They were awesome if you were 5 but any older than that your school chums would hassle you to death about your dumbass Moon Boots. Good times.

Go to the Roller Rink wearing this...

2008-11-20T11:37:00.004-06:00

Yeah so I was shocked to find this little gem on a "hip" young person's website. Along with super expensive jeans and leg warmers....I swear its true. The description is fantastic: "The epitome of that luxe hippie look we're all about right now. Braided suede headband with rhinestone chain detail. Tie closure. 33" long." $66.00. I swear!

Something for the winter...Earmuffs

2008-11-18T09:52:00.003-06:00

Isn't name brand stuff cool? I love paying TOP dollar for things you can get at Wal-mart for say, $3.50. But it's Juicy! Fantastic Rabbit Fur Ear Muffs adds plush comfort to logo-embroidered ear muffs styled with a wool band. Rabbit fur/wool. Did I mention they're made by by Juicy Couture? $95.00.

Something to Time Travel In

2008-11-13T12:31:00.003-06:00

When the Morlocks are chasing you you'll be glad you chose this incredibly short dress by BCBGeneration - they say it "gives the shimmery charmeuse dress a futuristic look with colorblocked details." You betcha. Only $118 so buy a few because those Morlocks...well you might not get the stains out. That's all I'm saying.

The 80's are totally BACK!

2008-11-12T22:57:00.003-06:00

Ok but excuse me I freakin' WORE both of these dresses many, MANY times in every color of the rainbow back in the mid to late 80's. Shoot even the early 90's. It blew my mind to see both represented so faithfully here. The same seams, the same floppy limp bow, Jesus the same off-the-shoulder thing!! Run for your lives!! And its gone up, pay $330.00 for this red silk bow dress and $178 for the black and white number with the shawl collar. Ew.

Yikes...Frankenstien shoes

2008-11-11T10:52:00.001-06:00

These little gems are from designer Stella McCartney. I usually hate her stuff and this is no exception. Why take a pair of perfectly good shoes and add this goofy pink ankle strap to it. It looks like those sand filled weights you might use to get an added burn in areobics class. Not that I ever did that but I have saw other people doing it. Still, my vote is: Yuck! All this for $875.00.

You Make the Call

2008-10-23T13:56:00.002-05:00

In today's economy, you have to make the hard choices. Do I pay $16.99 for this white Polyester, 100% Cotton Lining clutch purse with Zip Pocket, Slit Pocket, Snap Closure and No Straps? Or do you go all out and get this red Valentino Noeud d'Amore Clutch for $1,095? I never thought decisions like this would be so hard.

I'm a Present - get it?

2008-10-22T18:18:00.001-05:00

Yeah because I love the idea of having this big freakin' bow in my midsection - super flattering and sexy. You're jealous I can tell. You wish you bought this MARC BY MARC JACOBS Cotton Twill Bow Dress for $568. Cause nothing says formal like twill.

The Age of Aquarius

2008-10-21T22:12:00.001-05:00

Dig my groovy new pants. I really think these can speak for themselves. Ralph Lauren made them and they are only $998 for front zip silk pants from Woodstock.

Mother of the Bride

2008-09-16T15:00:00.001-05:00

It just goes to show you that you can spend alot of money on designer clothes, and still look like my Mother. Or Liz Taylor during the fat turban wearing days. It is described as: Black with silvertone beaded detail. Ballerina neckline. Cape sleeves. Cascade ruffles. Pure silk chiffon. Made in the USA. Yes it's CAPE sleeves. Awesome. Plus its made in the US of A. Only $2790.00.

Ode to the Long Sweater

2008-08-29T22:05:00.002-05:00

It has been amazingly hard to find expensive ugly clothes to rip on these last few weeks. My usual standby of looking though the cocktail dresses has turned up some super cute and mostly so-so garments. Ah but then I came upon this and my heart rejoiced! Philip Lim created this gray with green trim sweater. Deep V neckline. Puffed three-quarter sleeves. Patch pockets. Tonal belt at natural waist. Banded hem. Extra fine merino wool. Only $550. Get two.

toilet paper rosettes on your boobs

2008-08-05T16:52:00.001-05:00

I'm deeply unimpressed. The description is outrageously optimistic...Ombre Silk chiffon Rosette Tube Dress "The only downside? The looks of envy we'll get from all the other girls at the party." 24" long, measured from center back.

OK its 24 inches from the center of the back. 24 inches is 2 rulers long to cover your butt. Yikes that is crazy short. $297.00

Hell bent for Leather

2008-07-31T16:33:00.001-05:00

I often wonder where I could find a leather dress. Who doesn't? And here is the answer to my prayers, in black leather no less. Allow the awesomeness of the official description to wash over you: "MARC BY MARC JACOBS Leather Funnel Neck Dress. Short-sleeve shift dress is cut from buttery-soft leather and is secured by an edgy exposed zipper at the back. A dramatic, face-framing funnel neck and seamed dropped waist complete the futuristic look." Face Framing...isn't that sweet? pick this up for $828.00.

Oh No Way

2008-07-24T15:23:00.001-05:00

The model is clearly HOT and works out so that's ALL GOOD. But the suit- I mean really! Not even the gayest of the Gays would wear this. But its on sale for a mere $66 (down form $88). Grab it fast.

Stevie Nicks was having a garage sale

2008-07-24T14:56:00.001-05:00

Witchy Woman! Super cute dress to wear to your Coven Meeting, or when your boyfriend is scheduled to be hung, or maybe the Annual Witches and Warlocks Association is having a potluck. Anyplace else, this sucks. Pick it up for a whopping $1990.00 for the following: Semi-sheer off-shoulder dress in silk chiffon. Tonal metallic detail throughout and drawstring at ruffled hem. Awesome.

Look cheap for $198

2008-07-24T14:49:00.001-05:00

Hey I'm not perfect. I like to wear sexy shiny things, to draw attention to myself so my man remembers that I'm female. But geez ease off! In the description it describes this as having a Boat Neck. Yeah. Its got a boat neck like it is only a little tight. Whatev. Like I said before buy it cheap for $198 at one of those cute boutique online stores.

Dolman Sleeves - the AGONY

2008-05-04T22:51:00.001-05:00

Oh. My. God. Its a dolman sleeve. Look, that's super retro and all but, and I say this from personal experience, the dolman sleeve never looks that good after you've been wearing it in real life. It just makes you look like a box with wrinkled and dangly arm flab. But isn't this a pretty color? The cost is only $350 for this Elizabeth and James Blouson Silk Dress with a keyhole back.

DO Be Careful!

2008-04-23T17:56:00.001-05:00

Sorry about the long absence - I needed a break from searching the high end store's web pages. There really wasn't anything interesting a month ago. But now! On my first pass here I find a horrible purple dress that would look better on a curtain rod. This is a Pleated Silk Drape Dress in Concorde (as in the jelly) and is 100% silk. Spend $595 to have this look.

Too Much of Everything

2008-03-23T14:37:00.001-05:00

This is too short, too boxey, too colorful, too cheap looking and too much money at $449.00. Happy Easter!

Something in the way she....

2008-03-17T13:33:00.001-05:00

I always hate Stella McCartney's collections. There's something about her stuff that turns me off. All her clothes look messy and ill fitting or just poorly made. Check out this sweater, it has wings! Wear it to the new Batman movie premire. It's available for pre-order, and the website doesn't even say what this sweater is made out of. But it is $1695.

Groovy Zebra - Big Sleeves

2008-03-03T22:22:00.001-06:00

Whenever I see these big sleeves I worry that they might catch on fire. its irrational, I realize this. No one is going to make a grilled cheese sandwich while wearing this dress. But I think of it just the same. Its a cheap one today, $270 for this silk dress.

I'm On A Wrinkled Roll...

2008-02-27T22:05:00.001-06:00

You can't throw a stick these days without hitting one of these wrinkled, crinkled ruched things they call fashion. Apparently I was cool WAY before my time because anyone could tell you that I didn't own an iron until this new millennium. This dress is by Nicole Miller and is being marketed as a Bridesmaid's dress. The bride would have to HATE her ladies in waiting to make them wear this. And its $620 for a crinkled style in dark blue, with a ruched bodice and a gunmetal hem with a fishtail back. Awesome.

Yet Another Ripped and Wrinkled One...

2008-02-27T21:55:00.001-06:00

What is up with the "I slept in my clothes" look these days? This dress also looks it was attacked by a lawnmower or something. All shredded and torn, it looks messy. You'll pay $1710.00 for this Fendi Silk Petal dress.

Lovely Plaid

2008-02-26T11:57:00.001-06:00

Marc Jacobs thinks this dress is Nautical-inspired. How? Which part is nautical? The price is $368 for this silk dress. Land ho!

Postman's Bag or Burlap Sack?

2008-02-23T15:45:00.001-06:00

The full description speaks for itself: Martin Grant Powder Dress (that's the dress name) $1,550.00 Sleeveless cotton blend dress with pleated front and rear and bubble hem. Square lambskin collar with oversize button close. 37" length. Available in Nude. Made in France. 82% cotton, 18% silk. 100% lambskin collar. Dry clean. The French should be ashamed.

What Is A Caftan?

2008-02-21T16:46:00.002-06:00

Oh hey here's one by Michael Kors. I don't know where this garment has been all my life. Something that flowy and modest is perfect for me. I definately think I look best completely covered, literally from neck to wrists to toes, in yards and yards of black and white print. Pre-orders are being taken now so get one before all your friends gobble these up. Its $2995 for a "pure silk" caftan. I expect nothing less dahlings.

Bring In the Clowns

2008-02-19T17:02:00.001-06:00

This looks bad on the model. How will I have confidence wearing it to the office? And I will scare people too - all those folks with the clown phobias will avoid me. This Ellen Tracy Tie Front Satin Blouse is silk and $298 so you can look chubby. Nice spare tire.

Ball & Chain

2008-02-14T12:51:00.001-06:00

Another awesome GF Jenny find. These are from Fendi and they are a suede strappy sandal with a 4.5" heel that is OH-SO-Delicate. How heavy are these shoes exactly? And can I make a pair out of the strappy sandals I already own by just driving to Ace Hardware and picking up a soldering iron and $5 worth of dog chain? Actually, never mind because these are only $690. But they're made in Italy.

Reptile Print Floods...Oh I Mean Capris!

2008-02-12T15:41:00.001-06:00

My GF alerted me to these and I am so grateful. There is something very disturbing about these, is it the front or the back? If it weren't for the perspective of the shoes I would be lost. Roberto Cavalli designed these and he wants $795 for these cotton/spandex atrocities. I hope I see these on Paris Hilton.

Tri-Color Metallic Grandma Shoes

2008-02-12T12:01:00.001-06:00

Darlings! I just can't decide which Rolex to wear today...the gold one or the silver and gold one? And then which shoes? My God what will Muffy and Brad at the Country Club think? I know! I'll buy these $425 sandals and I'll have all the metallic choices in the world. Bronze? Check. Silver? Check. Gold? Check. Old Lady feet? Check.

Hey Tennille the Captain is Looking For You

2008-02-12T11:45:00.001-06:00

High waisted pants are back in style! And wow aren't these exactly what you had in mind? Someone went back in time and grabbed a pair of jeans right out of the Sears catalog or County Seat or something. All they need now is 6 pleats. Just give it time. My suggestion is to stock up on the low waisted jeans of your choice before this is all that you have to chose from. These? Well they are $231 and have a front rise of 12.5". Yowza!

That's Mistress Rodeo To You

2008-02-08T22:05:00.001-06:00

This sort of makes me think Ralph Lauren has a little bit of a fetish. Dig the black gloves and severe look. I guess this dress would look good on someone in somekind of situation but who and where would they go in it? A wedding maybe? To the office? Ralph charges $2598 for this.

I Couldn't Decide

2008-02-08T22:01:00.001-06:00

This one really had me back and forth. On one hand the colors are interesting; on the other the ruffles are awful. The asymetrical design is not flattering and it looks really flouncy. If you love it and think I'm crazy...well that's OK with me. Michael Kors is the designer in question and he charges $4595 for this silk dress.

Sloppy Wrinkled & Expensive

2008-02-07T11:09:00.001-06:00

I can look like I slept in my clothes for WAY less money than $1690, I mean puh-lease. This is a Nina Ricci shirtdress made of silk organza. Yes its just about see through and yes that skirt not only looks like an apron, it has an elastic waist. Ew.

Pretty Hair

2008-02-02T21:38:00.001-06:00

Its nice to get your hair out of your eyes - especially at the office. So its refreshing to see something huge and shiny made of leather to do the job. This thing has panache! Not only that, its $78.

Let's Go Sweater Shopping!

2008-01-31T11:33:00.001-06:00

I had no idea that looking through the Sweater pages would be such a goldmine of material. These two sweaters are simply an example of when designers take an idea and kill it. I don't want to look that boxy - thanks. These are both about $200 each and made of a silk knit so they ain't that warm either.

Your Inner Dweeb

2008-01-31T10:58:00.001-06:00

Who-hoo! I have always wanted my man to look like this. Can you imagine going out in public with this guy? Maybe you will be going on a picnic or walking around Martha's Vineyard in the spring, either way it's Dork Wear for sure. The sweater is priced at $790 and its COTTON - yeah you heard me right. The shorts are also cotton but those are only $535. Only.

I'm Ashamed...I Have Worn This

2008-01-30T08:14:00.001-06:00

Back in the day I had something very similar to this swell jumpsuit. Mine also had the palazzo pants but it was short sleeved with a scoop neck. I used to wear it to work. It was the 90's - leave me alone. However mine did not give me a camel toe which this seems to be doing, and mine certainly did not cost $1395.00.

I Found My Mom's Housedress

2008-01-29T19:11:00.001-06:00

This "shift" dress has crossed a line somewhere into the dread housedress territory. I want to blame it on the pockets in the front - they are horrible and ill-placed. The color is very K-Mart circa 1978. Bleh. And its $288. Buy this at your own risk.

Urban Adult Waif

2008-01-25T17:32:00.001-06:00

The model here looks so forlorn. Of course she does! She is only wearing a wrinkled shirt and horrible boots. Why does she have tan boots on with a grey dress? Why is she trying to look like an unhappy 11 year old? This dress was from my favorite Urban website costing you $48. Even tho its a bargain, is it right?

Does This Suck?

2008-01-23T12:25:00.002-06:00

I cannot decide about this. Its very exaggerated so it perplexes me. I want your comments, tell me what you think. Does this suck?

How Interesting...

2008-01-22T15:07:00.001-06:00

This is a vest. The price is $180. Yes I know. The back is the same.

Toilet Paper Squares

2008-01-21T17:54:00.000-06:00

I couldn't help but think this one looked like TP squares stuck to a plain dress. But why just the front? Did they run out of patience with it? The model is a lovely woman and the color suits her but its not attractive or complimentary. If you are spending $4990.00 for this dress, the least they can do is finish the back.

The Most Expensive Flip-Flop Ever

2008-01-21T11:14:00.002-06:00

Let's say you just won the lottery and you have money to burn, well I have the shoes for you. Listen, I love Christian Louboutin as much or more that the next girl - a sexy shoe is a soothing balm to the soul as far as I'm concerned. But honestly - $495 for this patent leather in either white or black? I have two words for you - Pay Less.

Wear Your Robe to Work with Pants

2008-01-21T11:04:00.001-06:00

Back when I had a regular 9-5 type job, there were lots of times that I laughingly considered how nice it might be to just roll out of bed, throw on slippers and go to work. But I never ACTUALLY did that. Look how fashionable I would have been had I been so bold! Ahead of my time, that's what my co-workers might have said. Or I would have been called my into my bosses office and sent home to change into something more appropriate. But for $990.00 this silk satin kimono is just the thing that would make my boss scratch his/her head and wonder if it really is a dress code violation. Oh and the Camisole is $145 - who spends that kind of money on a cami?

A Dress Over Your Dad's Undershirt

2008-01-13T21:24:00.002-06:00

I say lose the tank top - why wear this dress over it? Did you lose your strapless bra? The description of this color combo is fabulous! White bust, red/yellow lava-printed bodice, and black skirt. Its not red, its LAVA. This Jean Paul Gaultier Tiered Plisse Gown is $3520.

Orange Mu-Mu

2008-01-13T21:20:00.001-06:00

Michael Kors made this - and its a shame considering how ugly it is. I watch Project Runway religiously. He should be "out". This dress is silk chiffon "kimono" style and costs $2995. Is it just me or is this something that Mrs. Brady would wear?

2007-12-31T14:54:00.002-06:00

What blows my mind here is the exposed back zipper. Wow that is unsightly. Especially the way it stretches the sweater fabric in such an obvious way. Yuck. And I think the whole horizontal stripes thing is ugly. But maybe you have a $248 gift card and would love to pick this up.

Tablecloth for a Shirt

2007-12-22T10:45:00.001-06:00

Who is going to look good in this perfectly square shirt, with its horizontal plaid and crazy ruching at the neck? Maybe it would look better on a real live person instead of the cone head mannequin. It's a holiday steal at $159.

Ruffles Have Ridges

2007-12-18T11:25:00.002-06:00

Its the holiday party season and everyone is shopping for that perfect little black dress, am I right? How about this fancy dress - its a Marc Jacobs Organza Ruffled Dress on sale for $398. The detail is hard to see on this beauty, but at the top above al the ruffles is a nice big bow. Lie down under the tree for full effect here. Although if you are pregnant or top heavy you could conceal that nicely.

This is a Member's Only jacket

2007-12-11T17:13:00.001-06:00

The description of this $506 jacket says it's a "Classically styled motocross jacket takes a super-hip turn in metallic silver leather. Styled with zippered pockets at the chest and hips and snap-closure epaulets at the shoulders." PLEASE! Stop with the epaulets. Also this IS NOT a motocross jacket. Anyone who was alive and dressing themselves in the 80's knows exactly what this jacket it a copy of. Am I right?

More "Resort" Wear

2007-12-10T22:56:00.001-06:00

Aren't these busy pants? What color shirt would you wear with these? Is that an elatic waist? Yikes. But still not too bad considering they are only $59.

The World's Worst Camel Toe

2007-12-10T14:08:00.001-06:00

I passed this dress at first because it really didn't catch my eye as ugly per se. But then I realized that the stem of the flower on this dress looks like its in the exact center. You tell me, doesn't this give this poor model a simulated camel toe? And what is that behind her, in the space betwen her arm and her side? Is that a clip of some kind? When you pay $2435 for a Versace Calla Print Silk Dress, does the clip come gratis?

Disco Fever

2007-12-10T14:05:00.001-06:00

I have a strange love hate relationship with sparkly items. I knew tube tops might come back into fashion, but it seemed like the sequin tube top is such a stereotype, that it's just too ridiculous. But no. Again, on an "urban" clothes website we find it for the actaul price of $32. But still. Really? Are the kids going to wear this awful thing? Send me your photos.

Well I'll Be Dipped... In Silver

2007-12-06T22:51:00.001-06:00

Sometimes I have a problem with the whole set up of photo. Like with this one. The beehive hair-doo they have the model in is too much. I also think the model might have a tumor or implant gone awry in her butt. The one cheek is HUGE and the other, not so much. I want to know what this material feels like, it looks so silky and cooly metallic. The cowl neck in back is kinda 80's Dynasty retro. The whole look is something only Krystal Carrington could pull off. But for $220 this Oleg Cassini dress is quite the holiday bargain.

Zebra Prom Night

2007-12-06T13:51:00.001-06:00

This would only look good if your prom's theme was "African Safari". It could happen people. The back is bad, I don't like dresses that allow for your bra by calling attention to it with a strap just as ugly as your bra's. I don't get it. The slit up the front looks allarmingly high, I wonder what it would be like to sit in this dress. Cross your legs! It's $398.

Oh But These Are BUBBLE Shorts

2007-12-01T22:21:00.001-06:00

I've never paid more than $50 for a pair of shorts. I think they would have to be made of some kind of miracle fabric that made my legs and but look AMAZING instead of like a Gym Teacher. Anyway these are Bubble shorts, and I think based on the picture they have elastic around the bottom hem to create a fullness at the top of your thigh. Why is this a good idea? The tops of my thighs don't need fullness, trust me. But these shorts seriously cost $410 for a blue elastic waist on shorts made of 98% cotton, 2% spandex. The shirt sucks too, this is described as a Striped Batwing Top with a camisole underlay, all made of 88% viscose, 8% cupro, and 4% polyester. Price tag for the shirt? $660.

Shame On Vera Wang

2007-11-30T23:34:00.001-06:00

This is just ugly. And expensive. I just don't get it. I've see so much of her design that I love, her gowns, the wedding dresses! It seemed she could do no wrong. But this, it confuses me. Why the dull colors? This came from the Resort Preview, but why would you wear this shapeless sack to a resort? The ruching is not working. Maybe on a woman who was a larger size it might look better, but I can't get over it. Did I mention it's expensive? It's 100% silk dress that will set you back $1395.

Something For the Men

2007-11-30T10:14:00.001-06:00

Aren't you sick of boring old navy blazers? I know I am. This sweet number has that "inside out" look so many men are looking for. For your $289 you get the zip pocket details, shoulder epaulets and a large, textured leather appliqué on the back. Who doesn't love epaulets? And that appliqué looks like it will rub off in the car. Good times.

Designer PJ's

2007-11-29T08:40:00.001-06:00

For $275.00, I think I will sleep better in these 100% cotton pajama's from a famous designer. I want to be fashionable under the covers, literally, while I'm sleeping I should look fabulous! Honestly, this may be taking their plaid signature thing a little too far.

Shopping for the Holidays...

2007-11-28T23:22:00.001-06:00

How many times have you gotten the man in your life some bogus scarf because you were at a loss at the holidays? Well look no more! This scarf is for the man who has everything. You KNOW he doesn't have this. Who exactly would have this? Its...well its, so poofy! All the other scarf models could tie their scarves in those trendy knots, but this poor guy has to have his scarf just dangling there. When has any neck in the history of clothes needed to have a fur scarf to keep warm? I'm amazed to see my husband wearing gloves, it would take an act of Congress for him to wear a scarf as crazy as this. It's lined with forest green casmere and the fur is racoon. It retails for $2400.

Which Looks Worse?

2007-11-26T15:09:00.002-06:00

Lord help me! I found these on a popular city-folk young person shopping site. Do the kids actually wear this stuff? I love the way they have the model wearing my grandma's pumps from 1987, what is that?!? Anyway, I just could not decide which color I hated more, pink or black. These are called "Sparkle & Fade Marled Tights" and they are on sale for $9.99. Yea they are supposed to be sparkly.

Paisely Pants Are Alarming

2007-11-26T14:52:00.001-06:00

At first I thought maybe I had found another pair of metallic pants, but alas, its only a pair of Paisley Print on a dark gray 5 pocket jean. These really looked strange on my monitor, I wonder how they look in person. Can they look as alarming? These Jones Signature pants are $59.25 (maybe on clearance?) and the website recomends you wear them with a Jones Signature Classic blouse. Great Idea! How about this one? Its $66.75.

Metallic Prom

2007-11-25T22:43:00.001-06:00

When I went to Prom way back in the day, my Mom made my prom dress. Don't these two dresses look like they are hand made too? Like with tin foil? Anytime I see a dress that makes the model look fat it makes me wonder who this dress might look good on. Horizontal pleating (or ruching) AND it's a mermaid style, there is alot going on here. You do have the color choice of either NASA Space Module Gold or Baked Potato Silver. Buy either one of these sweet Prom numbers for the low price of $550.

Mutton Sleeves - Get With It!

2007-11-24T17:57:00.001-06:00

I had no idea there was such a thing as "mutton sleeves" until I saw this $998 dress description. Let me also add that this thing is wool, dry clean only and kind of comes across as Charlie Brown's shirt, with its zip zag patterns. Wow is all that comes to mind.

Skinny Orange

2007-11-24T17:49:00.001-06:00

For the record, I'm trying NOT to poke fun at the models. I mean, they aren't wearing clothes from their personal collections or anything, they are working. And the pressure to be thin must be outrageous. But this dress on this model is very very bad. Orange like a pumpkin, but the model is a skinny waif who looks like she might fall over in a stiff breeze. Maybe this size 00 dress is just to darn big. Or maybe she hasn't eaten in about a week. Seriously, this girl might need help. What designer would look at their dress on this model and not be pissed. Orange is so flattering on blondes. Grab this Chloe silk organza dress for $2,280.

Taking Earthones to a New Level

2007-11-24T17:27:00.002-06:00

Brown is a fine color, I have no issues with it. But this is nuts (get it?). This look is called the "Filthy Wash". No kidding! How can you tell when its clean? Anyway, this lovely Baby Phat jumpsuit is 98% cotton and 2% spandex for that form fitted look that everyone loves in their jumpsuits. Regular price is $89.

Stop Staring At My Belt!

2007-11-24T14:52:00.001-06:00

Who hasn't felt a little whimsical while shopping for a new dress? You might see this one and think, "I cold wear this anywhere AND it will cover up any weight gain." But then you get it home and you realize that people are staring, not because you look like a sweet pixie who has hidden her wings, but a grown woman in a really ugly dress. And the belt. If the best that your $282 can buy is a drapery tie-back, then you may want to keep looking.

You are getting sleepy...very sleepy

2007-11-23T21:16:00.001-06:00

Ladies! The next time you need to beg your husbands or boyfriends for something, wear this dress and hypnotize them instead. Once they're under your power, plant a suggestion so when they awaken, they will do your bidding. The close up of this Nichole Miller dress is even stranger, it looks poorly done. And check out the back, its like from a completely different dress.

Get this one for the low low price of $265.

This would look great under a blacklight

2007-11-23T20:59:00.001-06:00

Sometimes a dress comes around that is just fine and dandy in design, as is this one. Who would have a problem with a classic halter dress in silk. Of course, the design ON the fabric is crazy-bright. I remember bean bag chairs in this pattern and color. Sometimes black is the new black, and using a neon print is not the way to go. But it is a bargain at $260.

Looking for something for the office?

2007-11-23T20:27:00.002-06:00

Everyone needs to update their wardrobe. Why not with this Diane von Furstenberg 'Madeleine' Shift Dress that retails for a mere $345.00. Perhaps you work for Mr. Drysdale and you need to look like a 1970's era librarian (or prude) who might work in an office. Do you think this is a busy enough print? Is it bright enough? Find some lipstick to match and you are all set.

Silver leggings are awesome

2007-11-23T20:13:00.001-06:00

Leggings are back! Have you heard? Were you trying to ignore the siren call of the long sweater/leggings combo from the 90's? I like being warm as much as the next gal, but I don't like looking pregnant when I'm not. Or even if I am for that matter. But with this shinny outfit, you will look like you are from the future. Maybe designer Norma Kamali watched the Back To The Future trilogy one stormy October and decided to go with the post nuclear fallout tin foil look. Buy one today for the low price of $125.00. Wait, get two!